The Great Baby Race

In America, my son Darrell and beloved Samantha await the arrival of their little bundle of joy, scheduled for early next month. In China, Chris and Julia, both teachers at this school and good friends of mine also anticipate the coming of their child. I am caught in the middle: In body with my Chinese friends and in spirit with my son.

The Great Baby Race is ON! Who will make it to the delivery room first?

Sam’s due date it the 11^th of April, as is Julia’s. If I were a betting woman I’d bet on Julia. Not that I have anything against Sam’s ability to labor or Baby Ben’s desire to enter the world, but only because I know how each of these countries handle the birthing process.

Sam and Darrell will most likely welcome Ben in a birthing suite, using natural methods. Julia will be scheduled for a C-section. Chris will not be present in the operating theater. Believe it or not, more than 70% of the women in China deliver under anesthesia. According to Sam (the Chinese one, not the one who is currently incubating my newest grandchild) it is because they choose that method, but I’ve also read that most obstetricians choose it for their patients due to hygiene concerns and possible infections. Also, the doctor can make more money performing a C-section than assisting in a natural birth.

And here I was wondering how Chinese women stay so slim-hipped!

After delivery, Darrell, Sam and Baby will spend a total of one night in the hospital. Just long enough to make sure mother and child are healthy and well. Julia will spend a week to 10 days in the hospital recovering from surgery. She will not be allowed to handle her baby during that time as it might prove too stressful on her incision.

Darrell and Sam will have insurance and payment information paperwork to deal with prior to hospital admittance. Chris and Julia will not be allowed to leave the hospital unless their bill is paid. That would be about 8,000Yuan IF it is a simple procedure with no complications.

Once home, Darrell and Sam will go out of their way to make sure their baby has a sanitary environment. They’ve already banned Zeva, Kitty and Marley, their furry children from the nursery. They have plenty of hand sanitizer around and plenty of soap and lotion to keep their hands clean and soft. Any and all relatives will have to be disease free and wash their hands before holding Little Ben.

Chris and Julia, six months proud owners of a brand new apartment in the same complex I live in, have yet to move in. The smells and toxins of the new building might prove too harmful for Baby. They are still living in their 5^th floor walkup over Snack Street (see Strange Superstitions, Odd Suppositions entry, posted December 2011) Whether they will take possession of their new apartment once the baby arrives is not known. If the fumes are too toxic during pregnancy, there is no telling at what point they will be safe for Mom and Baby.

Sam will not doubt want a shower as soon as she gets home. She is a beautiful girl, meticulous about her grooming. She likes to be clean and feel good. She glories in her healthy head of hair (she has BEAUTIFUL hair!).

Julia will not be allowed to wash her hair for one month after delivering. It is said/thought that the head is the ‘entry point’ of the Qi (pronounced ‘tchee’), the life force that animates us all. To wash a woman’s head that just gave birth could incur a possible disruption of the Qi, causing all manner of infirmity or imbalance.

Sam has the option to breastfeed or not. Quite frankly, I’m not sure which she chooses. Julia’s only choice will be between the left and right breasts for the first 3 months of her baby’s life. There is no formula geared toward newborns however, there are formulas available for babies 3 months old and up – traditionally the time mothers return to work.

At 3 months old Sam and Darrell may introduce cereal into Baby Ben’s diet, if he is a particularly sturdy, hungry baby. Shortly after that, they can give him some pureed fruit. By the time Chris and Julia’s baby is three months old he or she will have already tasted soft boiled eggs, mashed fruits, potatoes, rice porridge and will be starting on vegetables. There is no such thing as prepared baby food here. Babies eat what people with fully developed digestive systems eat, just in softer form and no spices added.

At one month old, the fine down on Baby Ben’s head will just be falling out, making way for that ultra smooth silk babies’ heads naturally sprout. At that same anniversary, Chris and Julia will welcome all of the relations on both sides of the family to ritually shave their baby’s head. That ritual, done for luck and blessings will be the first access the extended family has to that baby. Over here, there is no such thing as a stampede of friends and family coming to call for the first month of baby’s life.

Sam and Darrell have long known they are welcoming a son. They have decorated their nursery accordingly and have chosen a name that is unique within both families, yet honors both sides. Chris and Julia are forbidden by law from knowing the sex of their child in order to prevent a gender-preference decision to abort. Traditionally the oldest relative from either side of the family will name the child. More recently parents have lifted that particular corner of the tradition veil, choosing to name the child themselves. More often than not, Chinese babies are nameless for the first few days of their lives, sometimes up to that first month when relatives come to call.

Sam and Darrell have enjoyed a baby shower or two. Thank you to everyone who has plied my son’s family with gifts, especially if that gift is diapers – one of the most costly aspects of having a new baby around. Chris and Julia will not have to worry about that cost. Pretty much from birth on the baby starts his/her potty training, as described in More Chinese Idiosyncrasies entry, posted December 2010.

Another cost Chris and Julia will not suffer is daycare. Once maternity leave is over, either Julia’s or Chris’ mother will move in and take over childcare. The new parents’ only cost will be supporting their parent. In some cases the baby is taken to the grandparents’ home, sometimes as far as two hours away, meaning the new parents only get to see their baby on occasion: if they travel or the custodial grandparent travels. Darrell and Sam will have childcare costs to worry about when Ben turns about 6 months old. Sam’s paid maternity leave ends after twelve weeks. Darrell is entitled to paid paternity leave. He plans on taking his leave after Sam has exhausted her entitlement, thus extending Ben’s time in his home environment.

Chris and Julia are also entitled to parental leave, but theirs is not a paid leave. The longer they stay gone, the less their annual salary. With childcare so handy and them living so close to the school, Julia may well return to work after that initial month and just take advantage of ‘milk leave’. That strange but aptly named leave is the extra hour a day of paid time a new mother in China is entitled to stay at home from work to feed her baby. For obvious reasons, Chris is not entitled to ‘milk leave’.

And so the Great Baby Race is on! Who will deliver first? Whose baby will have more advantages? Whose baby will… pardon the pun… come out ahead???

Please forgive me for that last. I blame it on New Grandmother Fever.