The Jade Bracelet

Chinese tradition has it that when a couple becomes betrothed, the man places a jade bracelet on the left wrist of the woman. That bracelet symbolizes in China what a gold ring symbolizes in the West: enduring affection, devotion and promises kept for a lifetime.

Why the left wrist? Because overwhelmingly, in China, people are right handed. Thus a man uses his right hand when facing a woman. Her left wrist would be the one opposite his right hand, so her left wrist becomes the bracelet bearer. Rather convenient that way: her bracelet does not get in the way of her right hand doing things. Most Chinese women are right handed, too.

Real jade is durable and strong. There are many shades of jade: from white to black even, but the purest jade is a deep, translucent green. Green is my favorite color. I would never think that there would be someone in my life that would eventually place a jade bracelet on my wrist with all the symbolism it entails, so I set out to buy one for myself, the first time I came to China in 2008. Of course, like most everything else here, I am too big for jade bracelets. Even the largest one I could find is too small to fit over my lunky, work worn hands. But I remain enamored of the tradition.

Flash forward now to the real world. The one where I have friends like Gary and Mask, who will be dropping by this afternoon to visit. It has been a while since we’ve seen each other – only once, a few weeks after our hurried parting in the taxi when we came back from Chong Qing. The cab dropped them off at the train station and took me on to school, if you remember from the ------- entry. I’ve missed my friends, but they’ve been busy, and so have I. We’re going to catch up this afternoon, over a meal that they will prepare for me in my own kitchen.

There’s another first: not very often have I been ordered out of my own kitchen by a group of men!

Welcoming them in from the biting cold: three guys in thick jackets, huddled at my door. Gary, looking elegant in his scarf and hat, Mask, his slightly comic mien beaming a smile and a new friend, later dubbed Wolf – a character’s name from a book I am currently reading. Don’t worry, this Wolf, as the one from the story I’m embroiled in, is kind and gentle and humorous. In fact, it is he that does most of the cooking, assisted by Mask, while Gary and I chat about his recent travels.

Before the cooking begins, indeed before we even sit and drink tea, we exchange gifts. I had picked up little trinkets for them when I went to Xian Ning for Tony’s speech competition. Gary had traveled to Bangladesh and Mask, that sneaky little rascal went all the way to Xi’an!

No fair, Mask! You were supposed to go with Gary and I: the Three Travel Musketeers! “It was only for business. So boring!” he assures me, dispelling my mock anger. Whatever his business was, he had time to shop for gifts. I had no idea what he gifted Gary or any of his other friends, but I can tell you what he gifted me.

Barely inside the door, with coats not yet removed, the guys were so excited to shower me with their finds that we were still hugging and greeting each other when Mask thrust a burgundy velvet and satin box at me. I opened it and inside rested a luminescent jade bracelet.

Let’s see. I’m trying to remember what I felt at that moment. Awe? Um, no… not really. Stopped dead in my tracks? Maybe a little bit of that. Puzzlement? Yeah, a lot of that. What is a girl supposed to think when a man – a casual friend, comes back from the jade capital of the world and presents her with a jade bracelet, in this country where such an item means lifelong devotion? Was Mask proposing to me? In front of his friends? Just before he cooks me dinner?

I put all of that to the side.

You see, there is a specific way a man is to adorn a woman with a jade bracelet. With each bracelet purchase comes a thin plastic bag. The woman puts her left hand into the bag. The paper thin bag acts as a lubricant, allowing the rock hard jade bracelet to slide effortlessly and painlessly over her bunched knuckles and onto her wrist, where it will grace her life forever.

Mask did not seem to have a bag handy. Without pausing to look at his – or any of the other guys’ expressions I thrust the burgundy box, still containing the bracelet at him and turned heel, returning a moment later with just such a bag. NOTE: anyone who does any kind of shopping in China will have an abundance of wafer thin bags laying around. ANYTHING you buy is placed in a bag: fruit, snacks, a pen… anything. It was not like I was laying a special bag in wait for a jade bracelet I knew would surely be coming my way.

Now it is Mask and Gary’s turn to be surprised; presumably Wolf’s too. How did I know about the bag trick, they asked? I gave them the standard reply: “I know everything! I just can’t remember it all at once!” Laughing, Mask takes the proffered bag and places my outstretched left hand in it. He then takes the bracelet from the box and slips the cool jade over my fingers.

And it stops right at my bunched knuckles. In spite of all our best efforts, tugging, pushing, bunching, Gary making sure my knuckles were rolled up tight as could be and even my exhortations that I was not feeling any pain, we could not get that stupid piece of jade any closer to my wrist. We ended up setting it aside, each of us feeling the endeavor was hopeless. I’m just too big for China.

Was Mask disappointed? He might have been. Probably was, but his expression was inscrutable. Gary did aver that Mask had confided to him that he described me to the saleswoman, who assured him he had bought the largest possible jade bracelet. Surely it would fit.

I was disappointed… again. Remember I have wanted a jade bracelet since I learned of the tradition, back in 2008. Of course I never imagined a man placing it on my hand, I just always wanted a bracelet. I wonder if Mask, now knowing that I knew about the bag trick also intuits that I know what wearing a jade bracelet means. And I still wonder if he meant that to be a proposal, or just a token of friendship.

These Chinese: they are so hard to read! Their intent is never clear.

I do feel bad for Mask. Even the poorest grade of jade is not cheap, and this bracelet is not poor grade. I feel even worse for him because I was able to immediately don the earrings that Gary brought back from Bangladesh. And they do look stunning: a perfect fit for my face.

The irony is that, while pal’ing around in Chong Qing I had confided in the guys that earrings are my favorite jewelry because there is no sizing required like with rings, bracelets or necklaces. Either Mask’s English skills were not sharp enough to catch my meaning or he simply forgot. Or he intended for me to have a jade bracelet, no matter what. Again, when it comes to intent the Chinese are so hard to read. Even more ironic: the bracelet would fit around my wrist, if we could just get it over my overly large hands.

I am determined to find a way to wear that bracelet. Maybe I can use it as a scarf clasp or a belt buckle… some kind of fashion accessory. One does not let such a heartfelt gift linger in a velvet burgundy box.

Do you have any suggestions?