Post Dallas Blues

Darrell, Samantha, Zeva, Marley, Kitty.

Woody, Liz, Anita, Wyatt, T.J.

Ann, Chris, George, Ron, Jim, Roger, Mark, Suzanne C., Keith, Kevin, Cliff, Crissy, Donna, Jessica, Matthew, Janie.

These are the people I walked away from, but not before I saw the tears in their eyes.

Clayton, Crissy, Tony, Karen, Suzanne T, Larry, Gayle, Donna, Victor.

These are the ones I didn’t have enough time to visit properly with. With some I hardly even got a ‘hello’ in, and others I didn’t make it into their line of sight. They were busy during that small window of time I planned. I didn’t make any contingency plans, either.

I think about this as I lay in bed, that last night in DFW. My poor niece Jessica did not want to go to sleep because she knew that the next morning, she would have to wake me up early to take me to the bus stop, and I would leave again. She was already crying.

I feel like crap. Is there no end to the grief and heartache I cause?

So many of you have told me to not feel guilty. The joy of visiting by far outweighs the sorrow of parting, you say. Sternly you admonish me to quit excoriating myself.

Can’t do it. I’ve caused you pain. I’ve made you cry. I want to stop this train of sorrow I’m conducting. I want to slink out of the country before I make anymore tears fall.

Lisa.

Jennifer and Gabriel.

Marjorie and Fred and Ana and Lida and Debra.

Their tears are yet to come. My tears flow already.

I don’t want to do this anymore.