Oxymorons Sans Paradoxes

And now, the promised oxymorons.

The Chinese are notably afraid of getting sick. Being sick in China is a very costly affair, and good health is considered paramount. A testimony of this is how many Chinese people will wear surgical masks while out and about to prevent airborne illnesses, especially in the winter.

One of the more glaring oxymorons to the ‘good health’ mentality is the prevalence of bodily functions in public: children voiding themselves, sputum flying, noses being picked. I would be remiss if I did not mention the condition of bathrooms again. And I’ve not even touched on the food vendor stalls, where meat, vegetables, rice and noodles are on display without the benefit of refrigeration of any kind. And they lay there for hours, summer or winter.

But what about in the kitchen? In the spirit of maintaining good health, any chef worth his salt in a Chinese kitchen will wash raw food before cooking it: vegetables and meat alike, it all gets its run and scrub under water. Usually cold water – that is all that is available in most kitchens.

And then he or she will lay that meat (or veggies) on an ancient wooden cutting board and chop it up with an equally old meat cleaver with a steel blade that has not seen a shine on it since circa 1949. Mind you, the blade is not exactly rusty, it is just so old that, like any steel blade, it has oxidized and turned black.

The wok, also steel and also black with age is then heated up and a generous portion of (perhaps) recycled oil is poured into it, and all of the food is fried in that same wok.

If the concern is health and cleanliness, how can one justify using recycled oil, steel implements and wooden cutting boards that are notorious for harboring bacteria? How is washing food (in cold water, mind you) supposed to prevent foodborne illnesses under those conditions?

I recently visited a friends’ house and we took turns in the kitchen. She was going to teach me how to cook Chinese food; in turn I was going to share a few Western recipes. I decided to demonstrate how to cook chicken and dumplings, and beef stew, mainly because the ingredients can be found in Chinese markets.

This woman had a panic attack because I did not wash the beef after I trimmed all of the fat from it! I just threw it into the pot to simmer and she kept stirring it, and expressing worry that I had not washed the meat. In fact, just to appease her I had to scoop the meat out and throw out perfectly good soup stock and use fresh water to start cooking all over again. Luckily she didn’t watch me cook the chicken.

It seems rather strange to me that she wouldn’t accept that heat would kill bacteria much more effectively than a quick run under cold water would. In fact, my unwashed beef was probably safer than anything she cooked – even though her cuisine was decidedly delicious and no one got sick.

I am aware of that old adage ‘When in Rome’, even though I am in China. I suppose it can be adapted to ‘When in China’ but, being a little pig-headed, I decided to take the issue up with my faithful friend Yalong, who happens to be this young woman’s fiance and who happens to speak very good English.

He was puzzled why I would question age-old cooking methods. Even after explaining the illogic of washing meat and then using a bacteria-laden cutting board and a steel bladed cleaver, he did not see the point of my argument. He conceded that I had a point, but in his opinion, maybe it wasn’t a valid point. He then – wisely – ducked out of the kitchen.

I certainly would not insult someone in their own home, let alone a chef in her own kitchen, but the illogic of Chinese cuisine still befuddles me. I simply cannot understand why, with Chinese people being so rational and intelligent, especially these two people, they would persist in cooking methods that are so potentially harmful.

Another interesting oxymoron is the fact that Chinese people are so afraid of their water supply that they will order bottled water. Most homes I’ve been in – mine included, have bottled water dispensers, and guests are traditionally offered hot water to signify that the water has been boiled to purify it. The bottled water has been boiled so as to prove it safe to drink.

But food is washed in cold tap water. Dishes are washed in cold tap water. Clothing is washed in cold tap water.

I don’t get it. But I’m not going to ask a woman who is fiercely skilled with a meat cleaver to explain it to me.

It might have to remain a mystery.