The Quest for Shoes - Part 1

To every friend I have visited during this jaunt I have given a gift, usually something that they had given me over the years. Mind you, I’m not so churlish that I would actually return a gift; I gave it back to them more in the spirit of safekeeping. Should I return, they could give it back to me. Although not at all necessary, every friend felt compelled to give me a gift, usually something small or serviceable that I could use on my travels, keeping in mind that the airlines have a weight limit to comply with, and I’m not Hercules. Seeing how much weight I can carry is not the adventure I’m seeking.

Of course, I could have simply re-gifted everything I had – Liz’s gift to Cat, Cat’s gift to Marjorie, Marjorie’s to Mark and so on. But I feel re-gifting is tacky and I would never do such a thing. Besides that, each friend had the pleasure of savoring the memory of the original gift-giving occasion all over again, so everything worked out very well in the end.

Marjorie received jewelry from me, and she looks very good wearing it – or not wearing it. She is in fact a very attractive woman whether she wears my jewelry or not. And, she being quite literally the Queen of Charm and a most wonderful friend to boot, she fervently pondered what to gift me in return, Ideas were suggested and rejected, or they hit that grey mark of “Yeah, OK… maybe. Let’s see what else we come up with.” I was in on the decision-making process, and even my suggestions were… not summarily dismissed, but not quite suited to the magnitude of the gift she wished to make to me. That’s the type of friend Marjorie is.

She settled on buying me a new pair of shoes. Before you scoff, I have to explain what a gift that is. I have very big feet: size 11 if the shoe is cut big. Also, I require a wide width, as my right foot is unnaturally splayed out. If you do not believe how difficult it is to find footwear in this size, please feel free to amble through the large sized shoes at your favorite footwear venue.

As though these two qualifiers were not challenge enough, my left pinky toe does not make contact with the ground. Instead it crosses over the next toe, to the effect that, if I walk bare-footed on the beach I leave a 4-toed left foot print rather than a normal, 5-toed one.

There are benefits to this, the main one being that I am forever absolved of suspicion in all crimes involving barefooted, standard-toed suspects. The downside to it: I have a miserable time shopping for shoes. Sure, I could have had corrective surgery to fix my pesky toe problem, but along with the other problems my feet give me, I figured “Why Bother?” Considering the depressing results of shopping for shoes, maybe I should have had the surgery.

I concede that finding an attractive shoe that makes my foot look dainty and small in my size is about akin to melting a glacier with a hand-held blowtorch, so I have given up on finding attractive shoes and I generally settle for serviceable men’s shoes. I can get away with wearing the lunkier, less feminine shoes when I wear jeans or when I was working, but… I am female! I like looking feminine! I like wearing fun outfits and I NEED the shoes to go with the outfits! NOTE: I’m a pretty normal fit clothes-wise, it is just shoe-wise that I am… difficult.

But still, you wonder: shoes? What kind of gift is that? I mean, really: its not like one must travel on horseback for days or sit astride a mule through the Wild Country fending off snakes and savages in order to buy shoes! You do not have to go ‘back-alley’ and exact a heavy barter for a pair of shoes. To my knowledge, there are no ‘Shoe Sharks’, to whom if you don’t pay the price they will systematically break first your loved ones’ appendages and then yours until they get their money! There are literally – to paraphrase …… Shoes, Shoes everywhere and not a pair that fit.

Do I have your interest? I hope so, because I will have to finish this story in the next post. This post is quite long enough, and – just maybe – you have fallen out of your chair in paroxysms of laughter that you need to recover from so that you can appreciate the magnitude of this shoe shopping adventure.

So I will let you rest now, and recover. By the time you have sufficiently recovered, I will have set the rest of this narrative to type and will have made it available to you.

Rest well!