A Part of Their World

On this, my last full day in Shenzhen I woke up to a feeling of
foreboding. Wonder why?

Because my room has no window and the overhead lights are bright
fluorescents I use the TV to wake up to - the light is gentler, and
comes from the wall, not overhead. The noise soon proved too much and
I turned it off again, after switching on the bathroom lights. It
seems a quiet day will be on order. After getting ready I went
downstairs for my breakfast and email check. Now I know what that
feeling of foreboding is all about.

On the 17th of January a retirement party was held for 3 members of my
former work family: 2 colleagues and my esteemed boss. One of my
contacts from that former life of mine had sent me a link to their
flickr account so I could see all the pictures.

It should come as no surprise that I am still in touch with them. You
don't spend nearly 8 years with someone or a group of someones, mostly
day in and day out, and not have them imprint themselves on you. And
now, with rumored plant closings and with that organization suffering
cutbacks and financial trouble, complete with jobs threatened and good
people in danger of losing their livelihood, they are on my mind quite
a bit. Looking at those pictures was rough on my heart, let me tell
you. They brought back all the good times we had: jokes shared and
conspiracies discussed, the times we broke bread together, the smiles,
the laughter and yes, even the bickerings and conflicting
personalities. All were called to mind. As usual, the good prevailed.
With these memories came the thought of: "you idiot! Look at what you
left behind!"

That thought was especially poignant because, here I am, alone in a
strange and not so fun city. I live alone when I am in my home -
Wuhan, and here they all are, gathered in the same room we always had
parties in, with the tables configured just the same way as when I was
there. And I recognized every single face, even those who had retired
while I still worked there, and those that transferred out shortly
after I left.

What would have happened had I not left?

Steve would not be in Maintenance, where he should have been all
along. He would still be the most valuable Operations supervisor on
the swing shift and his maintenance management talents would have gone
wasted. "I've never been so glad to see someone get out of here" Steve
confided to me, adding that he was sorry I left.

Kevin F. and Derrick W. would still be working the swing shift, both
to their detriment and both out of loyalty to me. "I'm hanging on till
you leave and then I'm transferring out." Their words, not mine. Kevin
now works at a plant much closer to his home, and Derrick works the
day shift. His personal life has substantially improved.

And, when out of loyalty to my boss I asked Clayton what he thought
about leaving Federal Service in general and this plant in particular
to take this teaching job in China he concluded his supportive speech
with: "If you're not going to be here I'm not going to hang around
much longer." Again: his words, not mine.

And I would still be ducking all manner of non-significant management
drivel and wishing I could feel fulfilled.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy I made my move and I'm enjoying my
life here. But sometimes I miss that other world where everyone smiled
when they saw me approach, where I wasn't such an oddity or a
curiosity. I have joy here, where the kids are happy I'm here to teach
them about English and American culture, where I feel like I'm making
a difference in people's lives and where the neighbors treat me like a
neighbor. Where people let me know they're thinking of me, judging by
the phone calls and text messages I get. Where, for a few Yuan I can
have a tasty meal or for a few more Yuan I can hit the road and see
something new.

Now, as I move sylphlike through this city I think of what I left
behind. Guys and Chamica, I miss you. I carry you in my heart. Ron,
George, Clayton: I wish you the best for your retirement plans and I
hope we stay in touch even after you are free of the five day a week
grind. I hope you find retirement as exciting and charged as you
anticipate it, and I hope and wish all of your plans come to pass.

Paul McS: I am sorry you did not get a Christmas card. I hope you do
not feel too left out.

I like the idea of us all playing the cards dealt us by the Fates. I'm
glad we had the chance to meet and work together, and I'm glad we are
friends. I'm sorry that the pall of plant closures led you to
retirement perhaps sooner than you wanted or anticipated. Cliff,
Kevin, and everyone who is waiting to see what is going to happen: I
hope what happens is not drastic and debilitating to you and your
family, or your future.

Across the world, I hold my breath and wait for your news.