So often in emails, and while I was visiting friends and family this past summer I heard about how brave I am to just leave everything behind and go live in another country, with all that that entails. And it entails quite a bit. It took 2 years to end my life in America – wrap up my affairs as best as possible, take care of business or take steps to see that business will be taken care of in my absence. While I was doing that I was taking steps toward starting life in China: learning the language and the customs, opening accounts with international banks, arranging for visas and other paperwork necessary for such a changeover, looking for a job. Making the transition was a lot of work.
And it caused a lot of grief. I grieved the loss of a way of life – my life, and the abandonment of one culture for another. Even though I felt comfortable with the Chinese culture even while living in America, saying farewell to the culture I had learned to adapt to for over two decades entailed a lot of grief. I grieved the loss of geographical closeness to my family and friends.
As you have been witness to, following this blog, the grieving process has perhaps been as difficult and as thorough for me as grieving for a relative would be. Probably not one you were intimately familiar with, but maybe for a cousin or an aunt. Maybe even someone you were acquainted with, who has since passed out of your life.
Of course, if you grieve for a friend or relative it usually means there was no choice put forth. Unless facetiously or in the movies, one generally does not ask someone ‘do you want to die?’. Usually grief is brought on by something that is completely out of the griever’s control. But I had complete control over my actions and the circumstances that came about as a result of my actions. Still, I mourned everything I lost when moving here.
So now the question is: does incurring this grief make me brave or stupid?
How many times have you watched a movie where the protagonist opens that closet/goes out in the dark/climbs those stairs/enters that room where they heard that noise? And you shout at the television: “Don’t go in there/out there/up there!” because that is where the Boogeyman IS and that’s where he’s WAITING FOR YOU and that’s WHERE YOU’LL GET SLAUGHTERED!!!
Later, after said protagonist has been mercifully saved from an ungraceful and untimely death at the hands, claws or fangs of the Boogeyman, you turn off the TV and think, or comment: “That’s so goofy! Why would he/she go up there/in there/out there, knowing there’s this monster on the loose?” You would project yourself into that role and sure, you’d know better! You WOULDN’T go out there, or in there, or up there, knowing there is a Boogeyman ready and waiting for you.
I think that Hollywood intends for such acts to be heroic. The protagonist is demonstrating bravery in venturing out into the dark or into the cellar armed with only a flashlight and facing down the Boogeyman. I think that those filmmakers intend to draw a metaphor to having to face down your fears in life.
I wonder if those Hollywood flimmakers realize that we, the moviegoing public think the protagonist is stupid for venturing out from their safe haven?
Of course, this simile only works if you are familiar with scary movie plot twists. And I’m not sure it helps at all in answering whether, as my friends assert, I’m brave or, as I contend, this might have been an incredible act stupidity.
Let’s change tacks for a second.
I’ve recently gotten confirmation of a rumor that the Facility where I worked at prior to making this jump halfway across the world will close. Some of my former colleagues have opted to retire while others will be, MIGHT be relocated. Whether they will be relocated to a different facility within the same geographical area is not known.
Not that this is not happening all over America, but still: it is troubling to me because people that I know, that I care about and have worked with for 7 years are facing circumstances out of their control. What if someone is offered a position 500 miles away and, for whatever reason, cannot accept the relocation offer? According to the rules, their relationship with the company is declared over with and they lose everything. They now have to go looking for a new job and start from the ground floor again. Seniority, vacations, pay grade and retirement plans – all forfeited.
Just goes to show you that even working in a Federal facility provides no job security anymore.
I feel a sense of kinship with my former colleagues. I have no job security, either. However, unlike them I am the author of my circumstances. I’m the one who jettisoned my former line of work and choose a career where there are no guarantees, where my job security lasts only from year to year as I’m offered contracts and by no means can I expect this university to continue my tenure here.
On the other hand, I am now in a field where work is plentiful. I am living in a country where my skills are in high demand. As long as I’m a good teacher I will be able to find work. And here, at this university, my first teaching gig ever, I am gaining experience and building my reputation for future good references, should I be made to leave. Had I stayed at my former position I might not have had such choices.
Thus I contend I was not stupid to make this move. In fact, as a language teacher overseas it appears I now have more job security than I did had I stayed with my former position. But am I brave?
To listen to everyone tell it, packing up, moving to a different country and having to learn how to live all over again was bravery. Not that I deserve any medals for following an overwhelming compulsion – and how strange that I was compelled to do so just before the ax fell on my old job! – but I finally agree. If you define ‘brave’ as ‘bold’, ‘confident’ and ‘daring’, as per the America Oxford Dictionary, then I am indeed brave. It was a bold move, walking away from everything safe and familiar and into an uncertain future. Especially considering the future that might be staring at me had I stayed in my old job. The future that my former colleagues are now facing.
Fortunately my gamble has paid off. I have plenty of job security because English teachers are in high demand in this country I’ve chosen to live in, and I am prepared to move around and even go to another city, should the need arise. I hope that my friends and former colleagues have Fortune smiling on them as it did for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment